My Big Mouth does it again!    

Friday night my wife Jennae and I met up with Tommy and Lumpy and his girlfriend to do our lake tour.  It was a beautiful night and things were going swimmingly as we met at Nola’s in Charlotte.  Tommy and I were laughing at each other, at people we saw, even at and with Dave Kane, who showed up with his beautiful wife Carol.  Then it was off to Marge’s – ONE OF MY FAVORITE SPOTS ON THE LAKE! 

Jennae and I arrived first because of a fire that had traffic re-routed.  As we walked in, Large Marge, the owner and a very lovely woman, was checking ID’s. I am 36 years –old and as I delicately placed my I.D. in Marge’s large over sized oven-mitt of a hand, she asked “Are you over 21?”  I responded “DAMN RIGHT!”  She shot back an angry gaze and growled ‘EXCUSE ME?!”  I whimpered – “Yes, mam!” and started to nervously giggle. 

We meandered through the lively crowd with a couple of cocktails in hand out to the beach.  The weather was perfect, the vibe was great and my mouth was just warming up!  Some other people who are employed by the same fine company we are, Entercom, but who are personalities at other radio stations, were there and they sheepishly came over to converse, more out of obligation than anything.  One of these people was with a larger group who I saw moving through the crowd some 20 feet away.  I said “Hey, isn’t that the chick who…”I’ll pause there and make up a hypothetical to make my point.  “Hey, isn’t that the guy who had his toe gnawed off by a dog?  Does he still work for us?”  The answer was yes that’s the guy and no he doesn’t work for the company anymore. I went on to talk about how his little toes must have looked like little snausages, remember snausages?  And then I started laughing.  The laughing got worse when the person from Entercom started to tell how horrible it was when the guy’s toes were munched and crunched.  All I could picture is this person running around with a little dog snacking on his fungus ridden toes and screaming like a little girl.  In my drunken state this picture was very funny to me and I said things like – “The cat’s got your tongue and the dog’s got your toes…”  If I were telling you the real story, but I am trying to protect the innocent, that line would be VERY funny.  Anyway, the person who works at another station for Entercom, looked at me like I was NUTS!  My wife was mortified!  And she did some damage control saying that I would be very upset if it had happened to her or my boys, to which I said, “Well, that all depends on the day.” My wife thinks we will never be invited anywhere because of my mouth and drunken stupid ness.  I’m not sure I care!  

I guess I should, but my goal was never to be liked by everyone.  There are people I don’t like and wouldn’t invite anywhere and I am sure there are many that feel the same about me.  Being normal and liked by everyone is BORING!  And according to Psychology Today, normal people who are liked by everyone are of average to below intelligence!  (Yes, I read Psychology Today and you will too if you see the cover of the August issue!)   

My point is your never going to please everyone and don’t let your wife try to make you.  She liked you (as Jennae liked me) for your nuttiness- it’s the uniqness that makes you!  Celebrate it and join the Break Room the next time we’re out and we can embarrass our wives together.

This will be a bit all over the place, but bare with me…

I really thought The Dark Knight was fantastic, gripping, engrossing – but a bit too long. I was really sucked in and at points was thinking “I hope it doesn’t end yet!”…But for me it was a bit too long…

Heath Ledger was great as the joker – scary, sinister – knowing what makes people tick and playing, even preying on that–he was down right scary – makes you squirm –  a performance for the ages!  Heath’s untimely death adds another level of pathos and loss; however, I am not sure if the performance is Oscar worthy.  Do not misunderstand me, Heath DID redefine the character – he made it his…well done…he will at the very least win best villain at the MTV Movie awards…

The sound went funky at one point in the film – that I actually thought when Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) kisses Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal) at his apartment – the only place she will be safe while the Joker is searching for her or her D.A. Boyfriend, because the sound was funky I thought that scene was something Batman imagined happening…you know all in his mind…the sound came back…and then I dozed off…I knew it was going to happen …SON OF A BITCH!

I went out to Tinsel Town for the IMAX 3:15 showing and it was sold out and since it is the other side of town for me, I bought a ticket for the regular 4 o’clock showing.  I knew I was pushing it because I usually get too tired around 5 to really do anything without a Dunkin Donuts Turbo coffee…and the movie is two and a half hours long!  I fought it, but lost and am not sure how long I was out…the last thing I remember is Heath Ledger blowing up the hospital…then I woke up to see Two Face on the roof with Commissioner Gordon’s family – and threatening to kill whoever he loved most and wanting the Commissioner to tell his loved one “everything was going to be O.K.”; just like Two Face/Harry Dent did with his greatest love Rachel, who died while he, D.A. Harry Dent/Two Face, was saved.  The TRUE hero needs to be saved.

The Dark Knight is set in a modern day city, which tells me that Batman battles the very things all of us do everyday; ignorance, intolerance, envy, greed and the havoc any one them can bring- it’s easy to see how all of us can go bad …the line between good and evil is a fine one, especially for those with power.  As Alfred tells Batman, “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

The Dark Knight also shows how FEAR can corrupt us all, but we can choose to defeat that corruption.   If that message doesn’t speak to present day, YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!  As is said in the Dark Knight, the hero we want to save us from ourselves is not the hero we need.  Think about it and enjoy the film.  Oh, let me know how the Joker dies or does he – I slept through that part!

I have been feeling bad about blowing up today on the air, but I can not hear someone say that people that have kids with food allergies are making it other peoples problem – that now you have to handle the fact that my kid has a food allergy! 

If you missed it we had a peanut allergy blow up in the Break Room.  Sally said that on her flight from New York to Jacksonville, FLA there was announcement that a child on the plane had a peanut allergy and people were asked, NOT FORCED, to refrain from eating peanuts.  Tommy went off on the fact that some fat little kid (I would be shocked to see a fat kid that is allergic to food, but you never know) shouldn’t be able to dictate what I eat, that kid shouldn’t be allowed on the plane.  That family should have to drive or take a train, but people on the plane should be allowed to eat whatever they want.  You ARE allowed to eat whatever you want; no one said you can’t eat whatever you want.  You were asked to be courteous to your fellow man, who may die as a result of your actions, if you don’t want to be courteous than don’t be.  This is not legislated.

Then a caller said that he agreed with Tommy and said he hates that kids food allergies are now his responsibility.  That’s when I lost it!  My son has food allergies and it is NO ONE’S RESPONSIBILITIE BUT MINE, MY WIFE AND MY SON’S to make sure he is safe.  He goes to Birthday parties with things he can have, WE WOULD NEVER put the responsibility of his allergies on the parent throwing the party.  He has traveled with his own pizza, cake, ice cream, snacks and juices – so as to NEVER inconvenience ANYONE else.  I agree; his allergies are not your responsibility.  But, to be courteous, a little nicer – well doing that just speaks to your good character.

It turned into that YOU, the non allergic, are being dictated what you can and can not eat, that it is being legislated against you. That is not true. However, just yesterday Governor Patterson passed legislation that you can not smoke on ANY college campus in New York

How about in New York City where restaurants can no longer serve food with trans-fats – but I like my trans fats!  That is legislation to help keep you healthy.  How about noise ordinances?  You do not like to be disturbed by my loud music, so there is a noise ordinance.  Will some people die from loud music?  Probably not.  Will some people die if you eat peanuts?  Yes.  There is legislation that encroaches on my freedom and yours…WE can’t smoke, listen to loud music, or eat trans fats in some parts of this country.  BUT NO ONE SAY YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS PEANUTS TO FILL UP THE EMPTY STOMACH OF YOUR CHISLED PIECE OF MAN FLESH!

Eat your damn peanuts! No one is FORCING you not to.  They are just asking you to be courteous to your fellow man. If that’s too much for you…fine.  But, if you start to you choke on one of the handfuls you shoveled into your pie hole, don’t expect anyone to jump up and try the Heimlich!  That would be a real inconvenience to touch your sweaty, blue, man breasted, mole covered, retching body!

The Fourth of July has been my favorite holiday since I was a kid! Probably because when I was 4 years old my Father made me a “patriotic” costume  and I led  a parade in my Grandparents hometown, LOVE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTNETION!  But besides that, the 4th of July is great because of the weather, the picnics, parades, and everyone is usually drunk, bloated and happy by the time they are ready to blow a body part off with some illegal fire work!  But what does the 4th of July really mean?

 Independence!  The colonists stood up to the bully and won!  Damn right.  Think of your older siblings, cousins, or that older obnoxious neighbor kid - they bossed you around and kept taking more and more of YOUR allowance and they used the money to buy the latest WHAM tape and made you listen!  That’s kind of what England was doing to the colonists, making laws, taking more and more money and not letting them have a say in how it all went down.  Enough was enough and Thomas Jefferson wrote ‘The Declaration of Independence.’  And on July 4th, 1776 in Philadelphia the Congress adopted it, you should read it some time.  My favorite line is “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

Pursue your happiness in whatever form you want this 4th of July!  I will - by over eating, floating in my pool on a raft made in China, drinking imported beer, watching other drunks handle illegal ‘gernades’ and bitching about gas prices.  I’m pretty sure this what our fore-fathers had in mind some 232 years ago.  Go U.S.A.!